back up, back up.
take another chance
don't you mess up, mess up
i don't wanna lose you
this ain't just a thing that you
give up, give up

hey, don't leave me.
i'm just really lost now.
everyone's leaving.
and it's just completely shattered my of this 'family'
that it's not perfect anymore
i always thought that we'd all stick it out to the end
you know, just keep holding on.
but first it was her leaving last year,
then she left too
and now you're leaving?
no, now you've left already.
it's not fair.
i want you to come back.
please come back, come back to me.
you didn't even tell me.
i had to find out through someone else.
and i didn't even want to believe it.
cause you made me feel like i wasn't alone
and that i wasn't going to be alone when the results came out.
but then you didn't show up
and i should have figured.
something was wrong.
do you know how terrible i feel everytime you don't show up?
i get so worried.
i cried on friday quite a few times.
and my heart's still breaking.
it's not going to be okay.

this sucks
it really does
cause my heart's breaking
and the worst part is finding it empty
i don't blame anyone.
it was really all my fault
but why?
why am i not good enough?
what did i do wrong for goodness sake?
i meant all those things i said.
i meant them from the heart.
but why couldn't they believe me?
isn't wasn't just some crapped up model answer that everyone else gave
i wrote all that from my heart.
and that's one of the worst bits.
holding so much meaning to something that just crumbles once it's in your reach.
why Jesus, why?
what did i do?
i know you love me Lord,
i know you love me,
i know you love me
i know you love me with all your heart!
i know!
but i can't do this right now.
i can't come to terms with my own shortcomings
i can't understand why
no, i just, i don't know damnit i don't know anymore
this isn't how it used to be
i can't see how to get it back to all that.
oh God,
what am i doing here?

need to lose weight. drastically

i need to lose weight.
i hate my weight.
how on earth did i gain 4kg in 2 months?
oh damn.
this has to be a bad dream.
i'm so desperate right now.
i want to go back to being bordeline underweight.
not acceptable.
i want to lose weight
yet i keep gainning.
this is what happens when you get complacent.

im giving up again.
yes again.
there will be a next time.
i don't learn from my mistakes.
that is why i am a fool.

but that is only part of the reason why i am a fool.

i'm gonna move on.
don't know why i wanted to write that.
i just got so bored with time and imagination.

this will now be solely for ranting my frustrations.

i don't know what i want to rant about.
everything i guess.
but which one first?
i'm beginning to feel apprehensive about pouring my heart out onto a blog.
after reading harry potter for the millionth time
and about ginny and riddle's diary.
yes, i guess i am foolish.

introduction

i know i can't possibly be a good writer. but as humans, i trust that we all have this need to rant. and my soul purpose of setting up this blog is to get all these confused thoughts and ideas sorted out and out of my head. so here we go!