i want to be angry.
not at God, but
at myself.
why the hell am i angry at myself?
it's not like it was my bloody fault any of it happened.
i hate humanity.

okay, what the shit.
i'm tired of this.
who ever said there had to be darkness and light.
it just is what it is. and i'm not going to be all weepy all the time.
i don't like this change in me.
so to hell with it.
i'm going back to being who i was.
i'm going to be who i want to be and not a result of a badly broken heart.

new set of new year resolutions for 2010:

1) live like you've never known death
2) love like you've never had it snatched from you
3) breathe
4) accept that death was what came and took away all the life in you. all this while you were wrong; it was death that happened. not life.
5) okay, now go get it back. and to do this, you chose to live;
6) live life the way you want to, live life so that you love it and not end up counting the days she's been gone and they days past till you get there too
7) accept that she is with you and to hell with those who claim elsewise. they don't know.
8) take control of your life again because it is still yours and death cannot rule you
9) take every chance to prove your existence and reverence for life
10) stop telling yourself you're never going to be who you once were. you still are that girl, burried deep down. just dig harder.