sometimes i feel like i'm drifting. and i'm not even sure in what direction.
take the analogy of a boat in a stream. the water now is finally calm. it's not rushing and meandering and pushing and pulling all at the same time anymore. just in one slow but tranquil direction.

but i'm not so close to my faith now. it's not as bad as it sounds; i still go to church every week, say my prayers and stuff. but i don't turn to God for all the good things as well as the bad. when i was grieving it was like i clung on hard, almost like how a little child would to a parent when they don't want to be put down; like a cripple needs a crutch. maybe part of me didn't realise how down i was that's why it seems terrible that i'm not longer talking to God almost 24/7. i used to talk to Him about everything like a best friend butnow it's like i don't always remember him when i'm having such a great time. i'm distracted. urgh. i don't know how to put it into context.