i'm not sure if i can do this.
i'm not sure if i can throw myself back into the rigour of school life and start out fresh and new.
i really don't know what is wrong with me. everything seems to be... lagging in me. like i'm moving through water.
and i keep writing random things that don't fit. they're all scribbles and when i'm not paying attention to what i'm doing. and suddenly i look down at my paper or sms and i see words that i don't even remember thinking.
but it's never going to be a fresh start. it's always going to be cast in shadow now. and i'm going to have to live with that.
be strong, be like vicky austin. chose the light.

i seem to be wondering a lot about the things i gave up.
yes, it's the "what if" questions
and most of them are the things i gave up because of this, what shall i call it?
problem? no.
inability? not quite.
barrier, chasm, blockage? erm, no.
heartbreak. but no, i don't want to call it that either.

i gave up a possible chance at love, in fear of another heartbreak.
i gave up the freedom of expression in the performing arts, because i no longer wanted to espress the things that bothered me; i just wanted to bottle them up.
i gave up my art - a subject, a form of expression, a past-time and once a joy - when the emotions finally took over and drowned me out of inspiration.
and now i want that all back.
i want to be who i once was,
i want to be what i once was,
i want to be where i once was.
i missed being called those things - a leader, an artist, a confident, out-spoken and proactive member.
but life doesn't knock you down so that you can be bitter and weep. it knocks you down so you can build yourself back up to where it wants you to be; where it needs you to be.
i know that was where i was supposed to be. i just don't know how to get back

Don't know much about your life.
Don't know much about your world, but
Don't want to be alone tonight,
On this planet they call earth.

You don't know about my past, and
I don't have a future figured out.
And maybe this is going too fast.
And maybe it's not meant to last,

But what do you say to taking chances,
What do you say to jumping off the edge?
Never knowing if there's solid ground below
Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,
What do you say,
What do you say?

I just want to start again,
And maybe you could show me how to try,
And maybe you could take me in,
Somewhere underneath your skin?

What do you say to taking chances,
What do you say to jumping off the edge?
Never knowing if there's solid ground below
Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,
What do you say,
What do you say?

And I had my heart beaten down,
But I always come back for more, yeah.
There's nothing like love to pull you up,
When you're laying down on the floor there.
So talk to me, talk to me,
Like lovers do.
Yeah walk with me, walk with me,
Like lovers do,
Like lovers do.

What do you say to taking chances,
What do you say to jumping off the edge?
Never knowing if there's solid ground below
Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,
What do you say,
What do you say?

Don't know much about your life
And I don't know much about your world